forever ago

it's been so long since i've written on this blog that i forgot how to even compose a new one! yeah. crazy.

it's almost been a year since my last post. and let me tell you, A LOT of things happened. well i guess, it's pretty understandable in everyone's lives that a lot of things happen in a year's time, right?

i don't even know where to start.

starting at freshman year i guess, at simpson. ugh. i remember going into school so broken and not wanting to be there at all, but i knew that i had to trust God. and that He is good. and i did for awhile, but then i decided it would be easier to just settle. and to settle without God. i was complacent. i settled for friends, for school-work, who i was as a person - not even a child of Christ. i simply just.settled. and i thought that it would be okay. and it was for awhile. i had pretty good friends - we laughed and hung out, but never really had Jesus talks. but i thought it was fine. i wasn't trying to keep them accountable in their faith, if they weren't with mine. not even selfish at all right? i had a routine at school. it was boring, and a lot of times lonely. wake up. get ready. class. lunch. more class. hang out. dinner. bed. i simply had no relationship with god besides going to church on sunday, and i thought that was enough. the only relationships i did have was with friends, and my boyfriend.

both of those relationships that i had were shallow. especially with the boyfriend. it was NOT fruitful at all, and not god honoring. but i was in denial with myself, and so i thought it was okay to continue to date.

i was in denial with where my relationship was with god, in denial that i knew who i was, and what my identity was. my identity was wrapped up into so many earthly things that i forgot ultimately what my identity was/is. and that stayed that way for about most of my school year up at simpson. not until april did god truly rock my world. i was broken. so broken - something that i've never experienced before. i didn't know where to start because i was so lost. i was hopeless. i had a dear friend that stuck with me through that whole time, and what she would always tell me was that, "God is good. He is the provider of all things." and after awhile, i believed it. i believed that God's timing is perfect, and i believed that God loves me, even when a earthly love that i had failed. God still loves me, even when i fail Him. God is nothing like this world. HE IS SO MUCH BIGGER. His love will never be what we call love on this earth. His love is stronger, and will never fail. I believed that i was his daughter. i believed that my identity is in Christ. not in some boy. not in what grades i get. not in..whatever this world has to offer, but that my identity is in Christ - something bigger. and i love that. ever since the spring, it has been a journey that i walk daily with christ. we have a love story together. and i continue to relish our story. seeing what things may come day by day.

p.s. i'm sorry if this is all over the place. i'm not going to proofread it. it is what it is. raw and real. enjoy.