Praise.

"I reached the top, and realized, I'm not mad at God anymore."

Thank you Lord for being so persistant on not giving up on her. I know that you love her. I know that you are looking out for her. Tell her she has purpose, tell her that you love her. Move in her. She felt the Holy Spirit up on that mountain. I ask that you never let her forget that Your Spirit lives in her. I ask you to challenge her in forgiveness. God, YOU ARE ABLE. Thank you.

Giving it all to You

ok. so this bitterness in my heart, and trying to overcome it, is hard. though my bitterness is getting better, it is by the grace of God that is helping me out. In chapel yesterday, we talked about earthly wisdom & heavenly wisdom, and how much we use our earthly wisdom and forget our heavenly wisdom. we, as Christians, pray for wisdom all the time [well i do. so maybe i'm over generalizing. call me out if you need to], but i don't think we practice the heavenly wisdom that we are praying for, rather we use our earthly wisdom and bring one another down because we feel so superior to so-and-so. I felt extremely convicted when our campus pastor told the congregation that. it's.true. SO true. sooo, you're asking me, how does this play into bitterness in my heart? well, friends, let me tell you!

i was sitting in chapel last night, and i saw a certain person who normally, i am extremely bitter towards, BUT when i saw said person, there was no bitterness!! goodness gracious, did it feel so good. the Lord is healing my calloused heart. the Lord is healing my bitterness, in which the root of bitterness is sadness. instead of sadness, the Lord is giving me JOY! i noticed that i was using my heavenly wisdom, rather than my earthly wisdom. i didn't feel this rush of anger towards this person. can i just tell you, that it is the most freeing thing to just give it to the Lord?! it came to me last night, that when i am bitter, instead of harboring it up inside me and letting it sit and boil, i am going to give it to the Lord. for the things i can't handle, i know my Heavenly Father will take care of it. it gives me peace that me, being a fallen human, can "cast all my anxieties on him because he cares for me" (1 Peter 5:7).

how blessed are we to have a Heavenly Father that knows our deepest needs, and provides it for us?

why is there SO much bitterness in my heart? i need it to change. i need it to stop. and i mean it. it's like this bitterness has such a stronghold on me. i am wrestling with this. Lord, show up. I need you to fix this area in my heart;soften my heart. where are You? i am frustrated. CHALLENGE ME. no more of this bitterness. i want out. heal me. change me. work with me. do anything, i just need it to fly fly fly away.